a message from Jennifer Hoffman

Two people who were very close to me recently unfriended me for reasons I do not understand but since both incidents happened after I refused to do something for them, I assume that I am no longer their Facebook friend because my decision interferes with the role they want me to play in their life. And I have to admit that it is a role I have played for many years, being their friend, rescuer, supporter, the shoulder they cry on when they need one and the person they turn to when they have an emotional or financial problem.

But when they weren't in need I was the invisible person in their life, an optional accessory they could use at will. And when I turned down the most recent opportunity to offer help and support, they let me know that my presence was no longer required. And that's all right by me.  

Facebook is the new way in which we relate to people and it has become the new measure of social popularity. If we have lots of friends (disregard the fact that we may not know most of them) we are considered popular. Fewer friends means we aren't 'with it'. But these anonymous friendships also offer the opportunity to end a friendship with the click of the 'unlike' button. Presto, we are no longer friends. No muss, no fuss, no drama or uncomfortable conversations.

If this is someone we like it can be upsetting. But we can offer our gratitude to those people who take the 'unfriend' step because they are letting us know that we no longer have to fulfill our role in their life. We are not socially undesirable to everyone, just to them. Is this an insult? I consider it a blessing. The people who decide they no longer want us in their life do so because (as was in my case), we are no longer useful to them. While that may sound harsh, it is true. When we do not fulfill specific roles for them, they can't get what they want from us on an energetic level. So we are free and they can find someone else who will meet those needs.

What if everyone you support, befriend, are an emotional or financial anchor for and rescuer of suddenly told you they no longer wanted you in their life? Would you be happy or sad?

Chances are you would be relieved, maybe a little bit happy and perhaps even a little sad because after all you have done for them that they can so easily write you out of their life is upsetting. But there is an upside.

In my case, I am glad to be relieved of my self imposed role in their lives. So I am grateful to those who unfriended me because I was feeling very used and unappreciated. My time and energy investments were enormous and I never received anything in return. In fact, it is perfectly all right that I no longer feel obligated to be the giver in these relationships because that frees me on so many levels and allows me to create new friendships that are more energetically balanced and fulfilling.  

Now being relieved and somewhat happy about this is a new paradigm for me. There was a time when I wanted to be part of their life and to have their approval. And I made many personal sacrifices to do that. But I just don't want to do that any more because I have cleared those connections, released that karma and I want all of my relationships to reflect my level of spiritual growth and the healing and transformation work that I have done.

Do you have friends (and family) who take from you without giving you anything in return? Are there people in your life who treat you like an optional accessory -- you're there when they need you and you are not when they don't? Who meets your needs and really cares that they are fulfilled? Who insists that you meet their needs, no matter what is convenient, right or best for you?

What if you 'unfriended' them? Would you be relieved, sad, happy or feel guilty?

In September's first newsletter I wrote that this was a time for us to get clear on what we wanted in our life and that includes the people we will interact with as well as how we want others to treat us.

Make a list of the people who love, honor and respect you. Then make a second list of those who take advantage of you, are needy, demanding and who take but never give you anything in return. Which list do you want to keep as your friends? Focus on releasing the relationships that do not serve you and then let them find their way to the door. They will be replaced by people who can be your true friends.    Stay calm, focused, detached and aware and remember your thoughts are creating every moment of your life. Think the best ones.     As you ponder this and the other things that are happening at this time (Mercury is finally out of retrograde, so it's time to move forward now), remember to:    Accept all gifts of understanding with gratitude and use them to apply forgiveness, release and healing to every situation. Ask for guidance and confirmation and then wait for it to come to you. Above all, be grateful for this opportunity to be part of humanity's amazing shift in consciousness as we all ascend into the miracle vibration.