Lately I've been finding that hate is actually beyond me: I really can't get any further than indifference any more. That's great, because hate tends to unnerve, to unsettle things. So not going there is quite an achievement for me personally, although it is business as usual all over the world....

But it seems not to end there. Most things happening around me seem intent to remove more of those rough edges: the endless dragging on of my deepst desire seems to gently nudge me into making up my mind that I still want it, but I'm no longer afraid it might not happen. Cause let's face it, another belief has gained more strength, and says that every chance you miss is just another strand in the rope that's reeling in the real deal!

In a similar fashion, other happenings are creating possibilities which enter my mind, but which in earlier times would have had me revolt to them: no way I'd have ever have considered those options, not even in a million years! But time is an illusion, and here I sit, with options ranging the whole spectrum from totally desirable to "Hey, I'd never have considered this before, but it might not be so bad."

I guess Life is just polishing us into perfect spheres, so close packing will no longer be a problem. And I guess I'd rather be a marble, then a die, or even a chestnut with its spiky outer shell still intact. Hey, you have to shed that skin someday, why not start now? or finish it?

Love your Likes and Dislikes, 

Dre'

Give me Unconditional Love anytime! I mean, it is just fire and forget. No strings attached, you love'em, they leave you, but nothing will every annihilate the love that was exchanged. Nothing ever can, because it is as fundamental to the Cosmos as Consciousness. Wouldn't be surprised if at some level, they are just One and the Same.

But then comes the confusion: We humans needed to make an impression on the fact that we're divided into two genders, and how to deal with that. It used to be us men that dragged women out of their caves by their hair, but of course that couldn't last. Hair will only take so much abuse, and the women attached to it rose in revolt long before that.

Some tribes had men with many women, some had women with many men. Western civilisation eventually settled on the most restrictive system of all, being one man, one woman. Plus the few variations added recently for those that weren't strictly hetero. But the concept of Love being an exclusive, non-shareable commodity has been diligently hammered into the population. And try as I may, I cannot avoid its implications!

You all heard parts of the story of my life, the impossibly beautiful and very nice colleague that later turned out to be just as intriguing as she was impossible to reach. I wrote my second novel around that story, and it is not yet fully played out. There still is a minute possibility that she will return. But the endless tantalizing pointers couldn't make me keep the faith, and I only half believe she ever will.

Then yesterday I mentioned wanting a surprise in my current day. Didn't specify what kind of surprise, and didn't even have something specific in mind, but as the day got on, it became clear the surprise I had cooked up for myself was a nice lady, willing to get to know me. Hey, given time, she'd be easy to love, probably just as easy as the evasive colleague. But it's the loose ends that are bugging me. 

Because it would be just my luck: getting to know the new lady, and then having to deal with the return of the old one. Impossible choices, at least impossible without breaking one heart or the other, and probable even breaking two or three: one because she wasn't chosen, one because there actually was a choice needed, and mine because I had to do the choosing. 

I guess the only way out of this is just to return to Unconditional Love for all three parties involved (including me), sticking to the Absolute Truth, and riding it out trusting the Cosmos to resolve it. Either way, I have no control over it, whether I try or not!

Love your Conundrums,

Dre'