How important is it for a couple to be married before having

From the perspective of the Akashic Records, if you are
defining marriage as a legal or social contract, it is not very
important at all.  If you define marriage as a soul contract and a
commitment that has been made between the two people, an energetic bond,
then it is very important. 

Every child that comes into the world
has a Divine, all-knowing soul and therefore every in the world
has a Divine, all-knowing soul.  Each of you chooses where to be
conceived, how to be conceived and where and in what situation to be
born.  You negotiate with your biological parents before you are even
conceived.  At a soul level, you understand what their lives are meant
to bring them and therefore, what being their child will involve for
you.  Each of you sets yourselves up with a “perfect mess” — the
perfect situation that will bring your gifts, your strengths, and will
also bring to you the sacred wounds and challenges that will lead you to
those gifts and strengths.  Ultimately when a child is conceived you
can trust that child chose to be conceived into that situation and that

That being said, it is vitally important that the
adults who are conceiving a child work with as much integrity as
possible.  Meaning that as you choose to conceive a child, or choose to
maintain a pregnancy, it is vitally important that you mindfully and
consciously set up relationships that will support the child’s
Those relationships are vitally important not only in regard to the
fellow biological co-parent, but it is also true in regard to the
relationships you have in your life that form the fabric of the life the
child will come into.  It is vitally important that you be just as
mindful of the other adults that you invite into the child’s life as you
are with the relationship with the co-parent or co-parents.  If you
have a relationship that is unhealthy with a mother, a brother, a
friend, then it is vitally important that you bring yourself into
alignment with that relationship before conceiving the child or remove
that relationship from your life before conceiving a child.  In a sense
you could say that the choice to have a child creates a calling for you
to live your life with more intention and integrity.

So in a
sense, the question about marriage is actually a question about
community.  It is the responsibility of every parent, either biological
or adoptive, that you ask the same questions of all your relationships
and you adjust those relationships so that what you might look for in a
co-parent you also look for in the fabric of community that will
surround you as a parent.  Make sure that you are an integrity and that
you have for appropriate commitments from your friends and loved
ones to support that child, or to stay out of the way or to cause as
little harm as possible to the child.  Ultimately the legal contract of
marriage matters far less than the energetic and social contracts that
you make and hold together in your life in general and how those will
affect your child. 

 here once was a norm in the United
States that all children lived with a mother and a father.  The father
worked and the mother stayed at home and raised the children.  Now it
seems that most children are raised by two working parents or by a
single parent who works.  Is this good for children or parents?  How can
we make the best of this trend?

As with all things, this
trend is occurring for a divine purpose and this trend is both a result
of and a driving force for helping you expand and evolve as a human
family.  You are in the midst of questioning and dissolving the aspects
of the traditional marriage model that no longer work.  The traditional
marriage model was not the original model for humanity.  Your original
model was communal.  The earliest human beings favored communal rather
than the biological relationships.  Community members may not have even
remembered conceived the child because ultimately a child belonged to a
community, and all of you belonged to each other. 

The model that
favored the biological parents as being the primary caregivers evolved
out of necessity when human beings met times of hardship that created
isolation or dissolution of communities.  At first this happened only in
great traumas when tribes were disbursed.  Over time that biological
connections became privileged in different parts of the world among
particular groups or communities. 

Over the process of tens of
thousands of years, that biological connection became more and more
privileged in some cultures, and eventually that biological privilege
helped plant the seeds that eventually grew into patriarchy. 

time, as patriarchy evolved, as the oppression of women evolved in
different ways throughout different societies, you eventually led
yourselves to the model in which men were expected to fulfill a certain
role in child rearing and women were expected to fulfill a different
role in childrearing.  Men and women felt a great deal of pressure to
fulfill those norms and therefore were unable to ask themselves that
they as an individual unique and gifted individual, wanted most to bring
the world and what role they most wanted to play. 

The focus on
biological rather than community connection led to a set of limitations
that worked well for many generations.  As you grow beyond those
limitations, you eventually feel trapped — whether it was trapped in
the role of going away to earn money rather than being with your
children or trapped in the role of being with your children rather than
going out and doing other work in the world.  (The limitations you have
grown out of are mostly based on sexism and it will serve you to listen
to the Healing Sexism channeling on Ascension
in order to help you understand the potential benefits of
dissolving the nuclear family model.)  The benefit ultimately is that it
frees men and women to begin to resolve sexism as it has oppressed them
in their lives and to find again, their unique individual power, their
personal sense of worth and their personal calling in the world. 

of you are truly called to raising children; others of you are called
to doing other things.  Most of you are called to do some of both. 
Because a child requires attention from adults, yet most of you are
called to do things other than raising children, it therefore works
best for you to cooperate as adults and raise children in communities or
small groups so that a child receives attention, affection, and
guidance from a large number of thoughtful, caring adults.  Each adult
gives some attention to the child and other attention to their work.    

you are finding yourselves doing is drawing yourselves back to a
communal model of raising children.  The transition from the isolation
that you experienced in this patriarchal of the nuclear family toward a
communal family model is bumpy.  It involves you having to face the
limitations you have been living under, to push up against them and
remove them and then have to rebuild or creatively coordinate yourselves
to build what is best for children and best for adults as they answer
their true callings of the world.  Ultimately, what is best for children
is to have enough loving, safe attention from adults that they feel
constantly supported and they feel constantly that there is an adult
they trust who is available to them. 

Some children find
themselves coming to one or two parents who have the resources and the
true calling to give that attention to their child all of the time so
that some children will find themselves in the best scenario with just a
small number, like three or four loving adults to give them attention. 
Most children and most adults will find themselves best served by
working in a group with something like fifteen to twenty people —
people who are trusted, people who have made true commitments to one
another and to the children so that a child at any given moment is
surrounded by adults they trust.  But an adult in any given moment feels
free to invest in the child or to move in the world and do other work. 
This occurs in extended families, it occurs in neighborhoods, it occurs
in chosen communities based on a religion or based on some other
endeavor or organizing factor. 

This is what all of you are
building is both the ability to discern who is safe and who is divinely
connected with you and the ability to draw boundaries and eliminate
those fellow adults who are not safe for your child.  It is then
necessary that you listen to and follow your own true calling, which
might involve childrearing and something more to do in the world.  This
is true for both men and for women.  Men are not born biologically with
less inclination to be bonded with or spend time with their children. 
In fact, many men are born with an individual contract and an individual
calling to spend most of their time with their children.  Women, in the
same way, are not born biologically with a calling to spend more time
with children.  Instead, it is different for every individual.  This is
why it is vitally important that you work with the situation that
evolves in your life rather than trying to force yourself into a
two-parent model or force yourself into a community model that does not
feel right. 

Work with the people in your life.  Assume that the
people that come into your life are there for a reason, and using your
own intuition and logic, develop a sense for whether a person is really
meant to be connected with your child or not.  Use your interpersonal
and negotiating skills to develop a relationship in a commitment with
that fellow adult to play some role in your child’s life.  Whether it is
helping you by spending time with your child, whether it is offering a
certain kind of support to your child, you will find that different
people come to your life from various directions to be part of the
fabric of community that helps you raise your child. 

This is the
way that humanity is evolving, particularly in western cultures that
operate in the isolation-based model of the nuclear family.  These
guidelines are also true for those communities or those cultures where
the extended family is the norm.  It is still vitally important that you
take a look and find integrity in the relationships that your child
will encounter.  Eliminating those people or creating between you
and those people who you sense are not healthy for you and your child. 
This is the ultimate information here, is that all of you are moving
into what you would call a marriage contract with many people — with a
fabric of community rather than with a single individual.  This is true
whether you are raising children or not. 

guidance do you have for people who are exploring relationships outside
the one-partner model?  It seems as if we do not often get it right in
dealing with one partner.  Would it not be even harder to be mature,
respectful and caring when there are additional people ?  Can it
be easier?

As you move through Enlightenment your hearts
expand and your consciousness expands making it possible, even likely,
and important for you to expand the way you love.  The expansion occurs
in both the intensity with which you love, and the number of people with
whom you fall in love.  This is true whether you define a relationship
as romantic or not.  Inevitably, as you move through Enlightenment you
will find your ability to fall in love expanding.  While you could
always feel love for a friend, a parent or a child, these kinds of
relationships have been limited.  You saw them as being smaller than
romantic love.  You have created a unique experience that has been
defined in human society, particularly in western society, as falling in
love.  You have allowed yourselves a form of intensity in a romantic
situation in which you turn yourselves over to Love.  You allow the
experience of Love to become so big that it eclipses other things in
your life and that is what you call “falling in love.”  Falling in love
occurs when you CHOOSE to fall into it.  You allow it to eclipse other
things so that feeling of love becomes your primary experience,

you move through Enlightenment you will find that experience of falling
in love, that feeling of falling in love will no longer fit in a single
relationship for you.  You will find yourself feeling that Love in many
ways and toward many people.  You feel it toward friends and loved
ones, and sometimes even strangers you meet on the street. 

choice to fall in Love and live in Love was embedded in the parable of
the Good Samaritan in the New Testament.  It is a theme that is played
out in many spiritual stories.  It is the story of choosing Love first
because you feel so deeply for another human being regardless of whether
you know them or not.  The truth embedded here that what you are
capable of and what you are meant for as a human being is to turn
yourself over to Love so that the experience of falling in love occurs
all of the time in all kinds of different contexts.  That feeling and
all of the choices involved, in which you surrender yourself to Love
rather than making choices to back away and withhold yourself from
people, that becomes relevant in all directions in your life.  What used
to be unique to romantic relationships is no longer unique to romantic
relationships.  You feel that feeling and you make those choices based
on Love outside of your one single romantic relationship. 

many of you this will lead you to feel less interested in romantic
relationships.  For others, it will lead you to feeling romantic and
making romantic relationships or partners with multiple people over time
or sometimes at the same time.  How you choose to negotiate that
depends on what you are here to learn and what you are here to work
with.  You will find that more and more people across the planet find
themselves feeling deeply attached and committed, deeply in love with,
two or more people at the same time. 

This is happening because
your hearts are opening like this.  It is giving you material to further
your own Enlightenment progress in that when you find yourself in love
with two or more people at the same time, you have a new set of
choices.  You can lock yourself into a duality where you imagine that
those two people are pitted against one another, that somehow your love
is finite and so as you give love to one, you cut yourself off from
another.  Ultimately that will lead all of you to getting hurt and that
choice will lead you to being secretive and playing games; all those
types of things.  Or you can choose to try stepping outside of duality. 
This also poses challenges.  You can choose to be honest about your
feelings with each person involved and let them make their own choices
as to how comfortable they feel staying connected with you as you are
honest about the feelings you are feeling for others.  What you are
finding is that those of you who are meant to unravel the old romantic
boundaries, those of you who are meant to explore how you can commit
life partnerships with multiple people at the same time, you will find
yourselves being drawn together so that often if you find yourself
feeling love for multiple partners, you will find that at least some of
those multiple partners will have an interest in exploring the
possibility of building romantic partnerships outside of a single
monogamous box. 

Many of you are not meant to work with multiple
partners, but you are meant to step beyond the limitations imposed by
the romantic storyline.  Instead, you will find yourselves more
comfortable choosing a single partner for a romantic or sexual
commitment, but you will still find it necessary to fall in love
non-romantically or non-sexually with many other people and beings in
your life.  Ultimately, Enlightenment leads you to reducing the
uniqueness of romantic love so that you feel the intensity of loving
connections in many different situations and contexts.  Another way to
say that is you feel your heart to a lot of different people and
situations.  You feel your heart breaking for those people because you
love them so dearly and so much.  Some of you will choose to maintain
singular, romantic partnerships and some of you will find yourselves
exploring and developing multiple romantic partnerships. 

The most
important thing that you can do as you move through Enlightenment with
this particular question of romance is to be honest with yourself about
what you feel, what you are interested in and to honest with your
partners about what you feel and what you are interested in.  When you
ask about that ability to be mature, respectful and caring in
relationships with many people, we will say it is vitally important that
you strive to be all three of those things regardless of your
situation.  For those of you who are meant to or will do your best work
in a singular relationship, you will find that it becomes more difficult
to be mature, respectful and caring when you have other partners

For those of you who are meant to or who will be best
served by exploring multiple partners, you will find that having two
partners who are committed to you in a lifelong relationship in an
honest way can make more room for caring.  If you have three or more
partners, you will find that if two of you have a conflict, you have
immediately a mediator available who loves you both, who cares for you
both, who can help to see the best in you both.  You can encourage each
other to be mature, respectful and caring. 

Stepping beyond the
duality of a single partnership requires a high level of maturity.  It
requires a higher level of respect and caring and it requires a great
deal more trust and faith in yourselves and a very high level of honesty
or transparency.  It is not more evolved to have more partners.  It is
simply a matter of what your soul is here to work with and here to
learn.  The reason the Keepers have brought the idea of multiple
partnerships into the dialogue is that more of you are finding it
necessary to develop multiple partnerships or to address the question of
multiple partnerships because all of you are blurring the boundaries of
what used to be a very unique and closed system of romance.  All of you
are blurring those boundaries because your hearts are expanding and you
will find that the romantic storyline no longer satisfies your larger
capacity for Love.  (March 2010)

Copyright © Akashic Transformations 2005 – 2008 All rights reserved.

The Monthly Message Preview was channeled from the Akashic Records by
Jen Eramith, M.A. Permission is given to copy and redistribute the
Messages Previews provided that the contents remain complete, all
credit is given to the author, and it is freely distributed.