I am Love and Kindness,
I feel Love and Kindness,
I share Love and Kindness,
I Love myself completely,
I Love all that I am,
I Love all Creation…
Today I mourn the loss of my innocence. It was taken from me gradually, slowly and insidiously with great resistance on my part. It was by design… A part of the world we live in, resonant with the vibration of mass consciousness. Fit in to the societal norms and expectations and to do so meant the loss of much of my Authentic Soul Energy. I was born into this world with the knowledge of different things. That perfect balance of Yin/Yang, masculine/feminine, harmonious to the natural way of things.
Now I see how it happened and understand why… And so it can heal.
There was a trigger yesterday that brought on emotions… I lost consciousness and later realized I had been taken over by an angry little boy acting out through my physicality. I took total personal responsibility for my thoughts, words and actions during that time and I began to see what was happening. I was being given an opportunity to look into the depths of my life experience to understand why I was having the emotional response and subsequent acting out.
I was led back to very early childhood experiences and memories. I saw the programming taking place. Playgrounds, daycare, Kindergarten, all revealed more to see. I remember being met with disapproval, disdain, uncertainty by others. I didn’t seem to fit in… Something about what I was doing didn’t match the frequency of society. I do see now that all children are truly creators in awe of it all. The discoveries and insights blessings of each moment understood by the Soul dominated being.
Some time along the way, things started to change. Socialization is something I remember from psychology or sociology classes. The conforming of the being to societal norms, expectations, rules, etc. I was shown my early experiences with this process of conformation in vivid detail this morning, I saw myself in the school setting, not understanding why I couldn’t align with what I was being taught, but getting a tremendous amount of disapproval if not doing the “right” things.
Everything about that time was about fitting in… I didn’t, until I did. And therein lies the trauma. When I gave in I turned against Creation. When I rolled over and started to dutifully participate in the system is when the fracture occurred. I experienced the pain of it all again this morning as my angry little boy showed me all that I needed to see. I watched as I fought against it… Tried to explain that it wasn’t for me. That what I wanted or needed to learn for my highest and best good wasn’t the teachings I was receiving. I didn’t want to plug into those ways, but as a child needing approval I began to do what it took. Fracture…
So I went against creation and that is what traumatized my Soul. I lost a tremendous amount of power as a result and it created a giant hole in my being. As I continued towards membership in the herd I saw that by conforming in school I began to conform with those around me. When I didn’t, I had no friends… when I did there were other kids around me. But I did things that were not for my highest good and I made choices that weren’t of the Loving frequency. I did this early on to fit in and was tortured as a result. That is what it feels like when going against creation. Torture.
As that was happening, I saw that the ones I thought I could turn to and trust completely weren’t really there for me. Both working professionals and also plugged in, my experiences must have been really challenging for them. Night terrors, demons and darkness… monsters under the bed are experiences that I remember. There was coaching and guidance to follow the path of instruction being provided to me in school, that was the most important thing.
I saw the times that I came home from school and cried, the fracturing of my soul so painful as I struggled internally about giving in to it all. There was so much going on and I saw it all, the angry little boy exposing the entire timeline for me to heal. I asked why he was angry… and he revealed that he felt betrayed. The illusion or societal matrix was not real and he knew it, but he/I didn’t have the strength to fight it any longer and I failed at that time to stay in my Authentic Being. He wasn’t heard, nor supported to the level that he was seeing. He admitted he was angry and thus projecting blame on people, places and events.
I was told in that moment to forgive and release it all, yet I still struggled. I was mourning still, however as the physical discomforts of the release subsided I began to take leadership and started to ask what this angry little boy needed to forgive and heal. He needed to be heard… He needed for me to listen to him and understand that he knew things about things I am soon to discover. He wanted to be heard then in a context that was not allowed and I told him that I was stronger now, more mature and that it was safe to come home. I told him that I wouldn’t make the same mistakes, that I would continue to retrieve all my power and Authentic Energy until I was whole and complete as Creator originally intended. That I would carry the light into myself to reveal more of me that has been hidden from my being… To heal those dark places.
As I listened, tears of joy, grief, sadness, despair, hope and finally to Love and Kindness streamed down my face a river of relief, forgiveness and release I held the timeline in my hands. That’s correct, I held the entire energetic timeline in my hands vibrant and alive pulsing with the frequency of the healing. Waves of emotion ran through me as I healed this Soul Piece one of this biggest on this path of redemption. I have to forgive. I am forgiveness and compassion, I forgive and release myself.
So I went deep and continue to go deeper still as the timeline in my hands heals. I must forgive, for myself and this angry little boy all the experiences on this timeline where I went against my highest and best good.
It is so as I say it to be so. Talk we did and he continued to reveal things to me, just moments ago he showed me that I was on the right path…
at this point I stopped, took a deep breath as deeper still forgiveness and release was about to occur and I noticed that my word count was 11:11, a spiritually significant number signifying synchronicity… I was releasing for about an hour then came back to write the rest…
And so I listened. He told me that I was a vessel and that the past is only the past if I hold onto it. He explained that if I was holding onto it, I needed to process something and it would not be forgiven and released until I did. He showed me that the body temple of the Soul, is as light as the Soul if we allow it to be, but as we go through this life experience we tend to hold onto the past and thus our bodies became denser. As I experienced this in a physical way, I acknowledge that it is true. I was holding energy and it was sticking to me physically as well as energetically. Blockages created by density as other parts of me were getting lighter.
It felt as though going through the eye of the needle and that frequency that can’t pass through is stuck holding the rest of me back. I must release it. I must let it go by forgiving it completely, allowing it to release from my entire being. Coming into this Now moment without that baggage of the past allows me my freedom. I am not a slave to my past any longer. I am Free. I am Sovereign. I am the Light of this perfectly functioning body, the Universal One, beyond this perfectly functioning mind I am a complete radiant being.
I understand this now, how it makes a difference. I choose Love. I choose the Light that makes me lighter, wholer (new word ☺) and more complete. I choose Love and Kindness. I choose Forgiveness and Release so as to better experience the perfection that is all around me, permeating the very existence of all things. I choose the Truth. I choose Freedom!
I keep telling myself that over and over again today as I release the weight of this burden. I continue to talk to the not-so-angry boy as we both soften into the true reality that surrounds me. I don’t have to participate in activities that go against my highest and best good. I declared to the universe that I call back all my power and energy lost along the way, that I reclaim all my sovereignty and FREE WILL. In this declaration it returns to me.
All the times I have gone against creation are shown to me in a blur and I allow them to dissolve, along with the cords attaching me to those memories into the ethers and back to Source. I allow past judgements to dissolve and the cords attaching me to them to release from my being. I stand tall in the Light of my Being, getting stronger every moment.
A dear friend calls and we discuss the transformation symptoms and fears. Hits start coming in as I acknowledge the fear that they ride on. I release all fear and move completely to Love. I spoke with Creator just before some of the fear hits came through, turning over my Life to the Divine Source. And just afterwards, the calls and emails came in, trying to hook me back into a fear-based society. I refuse. I am the Light and I carry Love with me at all times. This is my connection to Source, Love is. It is my armor and weapons in this battle for my Soul, for my freedom.
I must Love all things, all situations… all Creation. To truly stand in my Light, I must fully embrace Love and release all fear and it’s derivatives. Those frequencies are binding and constrictive, a dense and heavy burden on the Light being that I am. I release them. I release all Fear and it’s derivatives from my being. I take total personal responsibility for all my thoughts, words and actions. With Love and Kindness I walk this path on my Journey to awakening and remembering…
I see how I was plugged in and am taking steps now to unplug, to deconstruct the programs and reclaim my freedom. It is a process, indeed. Some days deeper insights than others, but I know I am safe and secure as I am in the presence of Creator, connected and supported by all of Creation. I allow this to be my reality, carrying my Authentic Frequency of Love and Kindness to my experience. I continue to dig deep into the forgiveness and in doing so, more layers come up to be released.
I see just how I (and the angry little boy) was holding blameful energy towards those that were closest to me during that time. I dig deep calling upon my Power Animal to show me the way to forgiveness. It takes an enormous effort but I start to break apart the blocks of anger and hatred for those that I projected the blame onto. As they shatter apart and I am able to breathe again a little more of me slips through the eye of the needle. I am going to make it to the other side… I deeply forgive those whom I blamed and I release all connections and cords connecting me to that energy. I see them breaking free and dissolving. I look upon the central figures and place them in the Divine Catalyst and shine the light of my Love upon them. I let go of all the thoughts, words and actions taken in the past that perpetuated the blameful projection. It is in my highest and best good to release this energy, so I do. I can feel myself getting lighter, stronger and coming fuller into my being.
I transformed a breakdown into a breakthrough! By my free will and choice I am moving towards freedom, peace and tranquility. I stand in the eye of the storm, calm and centered I move always in the peaceful calm. I choose Love and LIght… Freedom. There is no other way for me, I will prevail. I am winning this time…
That’s what I told the angry little boy that finally got him to soften. I acknowledged that I was winning this time. That I could stand up to the pantheon this time and would prevail. It is true. The frequency of the planet is rising, the frequency of the universe is rising and so too I . It is already in motion, I have come to see and what I must do, I am doing. Letting go of the density of fear and fully embracing the higher frequency of Love. This is what the planet needs to heal and this is what humanity needs to heal. Humanity is at the crossroads, I believe and I have chosen Love. I choose to move into the next phase of my existence with Love as my companion and guide. I am better able to do that by letting go…
So, I continue to do the work… I continue to be present, awake and aware so as to see the signposts that are guiding me to my knowledge. I allow myself the space and energy to do this work and Creator supports me in this endeavor. All will be provided as I align with the energies of creation and dispel all anti-creation energy from my being. I walk with Creator. Creator is showing me the way now and I continue my Journey…
I am so grateful to have the opportunity to see the Truth and reclaim my Freedom. To be able to heal myself… my body and mind thus setting my spirit free to soar to the greatest heights. To meet my Soul and reclaim vast amounts of energy lost along the way, I am so thankful for. I allow it all to wash away, remnants of the past dissolving and allowing greater access to my Freedom.
I now stand tall and move forward in the Light, embodying that which is me, My True and Authentic Self leads the way from the ♡ and I embrace the experience, become one with it in its perfection and beauty.
I prepare, taking a breath and adjusting my frame, I listen for the rhythm of the Universe and begin to Dance…
Love and Kindness…
the Buffalo Diaries