I somehow always find something to think and feel about, during the waits at work, which are frequent. Todays point of pondering was my boss, who came to share with me his observations about my work behaviour. Not so much the quality of work, but the quantity. Now I arrive as the first, and consequently am also the first to leave in the afternoon. When I asked to work longer on wednesday, so I could leave an hour early on thursday, he had that confirmed in writing, so there would be no confusion. But, he had deduced from my written status update every day that I sometimes left half an hour early (not true), had seen me keep a coffee break with the guys when I usually don’t (happened once) and he neglected to notice that usually my lunch break is minimal, unlike my colleagues who take the full half hour….
And then when I told him I’d work half an hour longer from now on, he said he didn’t want that, thus creating a conflict of free will between us.
On the train home I thought about all of it, and came to a few conclusions: My boss is one who lives to work, in early and home late. I am one who works to live, in early and home early, so my living day is longest and uninterrupted. That undoubtedly is our largest difference. Against that point is the fact we both desperately want to do what is right, which makes things worse actually.
I know I am a fanatical optimist. For me there’s always something in the glass, even if it is just a few drops. Actually, when clearing away glasses from the table, the leftovers don’t go into the sink, because even a little taste of something is sweeter than nothing. My boss, from experiencing, I’d estimate to be a guy who thinks supplies are limited. That does not mean he’s greedy, but he does want to make sure everybody gets what is theirs. An admirable trait, but you can see how this clashes with the guy who thinks there always is plenty. If he says I do too little, I tend to do more, even though I’d rather not. But he, not wanting to make me do stuff I don’t really want to do, won’t hear of that. The situation is almost too futile for words, but yet they do arise…..
So, in order to not go against his free will, should I micromanage my workweek to make it EXACTLY 40 hours? Even that doesn’t feel right. Since I Know there is always more, I have this need to give more, but work just happen to not be the area where I want to give more. unless it is needed. I’d much rather help people who can use it, than those who wish to pay me to help them. Guess I’m just weird that way!
I guess the best thing to do would be to finish that novel, score big, and make a living out of writing. That feels far more satisfactory…..
Love your Light,