~continued~ read this first…

The next morning, I slept in through the hours that I like to be conscious (04:00-06:00), and awoke heavy.  I went to my practice, doing a sweep like I usually do and I found something.  I began to work on it, but something distracted me.  Refocus, distraction, refocus, distraction, refocus, whisper, refocus, statement, discussion, slight argument, discussion, agreement…  It was over…  I had fallen.

It happens…  And so commenced 4 days of darkness culminating in yet another release and big soul recovery.  The days were grey, my low, and I was convinced my life was in a disarray.  And in an instant, it was… Everything halted, all progress that was made to that point, seemed as though a distant memory.  Thoughts, words and actions… you guessed it.  Corrupt.  I was suddenly disconnected from a source of information, knowledge and guidance  that I had come to know.  Where did it go?

Last week, A good friend of mine, in a coffee shop conversation said to me something like this, “I have experienced an enlightenment, the perfection of it all… the understanding and knowing that all is perfect, every experience… there is no good or bad… right or wrong, only being… now I will stop there, for respect to my brother’s words, but you get the idea.  It was what came next that went so deep as to plant the seed that would bring me to this moment, where with tears of joy and blissful laughter, I call my brother to thank him…  This is what he said.  But, I don’t feel it now…

the Buffalo Diaries 

Those words, that conversation… I get it now… again and I have remembered.  It is the difference between living in ordinary reality and non-ordinary reality.  I have experienced both and I can tell you with absolute certainty where the joy, happiness, bliss, nirvana… whatever terms you like, reside is where it’s at.  It is all available here in non-ordinary reality, including enlightenment…

I am so grateful for this experience, it has shown me so much.  During the “hit”, I was so heavy, burdened by the weight of nonsense, memories, mere perceptions of the past or fabrications based on fear about the future, it was really something.  In ordinary reality, or the realm of reason, they would say… take this pill, it’s depression or fellow commiserates would join for the afterwork cocktail that would extend into the late evening, where we would tell over and over again versions of the perception of some past or future…  Both a waste of energy, I am so grateful to be out of that trap…

But during the “hit”, there I was having a pity party and sending out invitations!  Any takers?  Those closest to me would take the biggest brunt of my delusions and my energy rippled throughout all Creation, resonating with this dense vibration.  All creativity stopped, the universe responding to me… Just as the came to show me, I was creating my reality… And it happened instantaneously!

Ok, I have to interject some non-ordinary reality observations.  While writing this I have experienced tears of Joy and Happiness, Laughter for no reason, an outpouring of Love and Appreciation, the song another chance, and the word count at two significant insights were 777 & 1212 respectively..

So, I am onto something and back to being connected!  YAY!!!  But back to the recount…

Everything was devoid of life and my alignment was with anti-creation.  My partner, an extraordinary human being and shaman, brought her incredible presence, knowledge and experience to the situation, along with hours of soul retrieval.  She is a true angel and inspiration and I am Grateful beyond these words for her support.  But I continued to act out the destruction present in my field, anti-creation is like that… It suffocates, smothers and in all ways is a remover of life.

Several of the party invitations were met and advice given.  I started to see a way out and began to act…  I had asked for 3 signs to show me the way and there they were (or so I thought…), the song that was playing on the radio was the first sign.  The second was a jacket that had been stuffed in my truck for months had been peed on by our cat and lastly I lit a cigarette backwards.  My partner called it, but when it came up again later… I was convinced I knew what to do…  The advice I sought confirmed my notions and I began to make things happen.  The level of complexity ramped up immediately and the number of people involved grew, I was paddling upstream.  A dispatch came in for assignment, but in order to fulfill it enormous effort was needed.  I am so grateful to those who pledged there support for the endeavor should it be needed.

At some point that ran out and I started to vacillate.  I was starting to see through all this nonsense at that point, but was still with the enough to go back to the misguided action.  As soon as I began the next phase, I cried.  Now,when I say this, let me describe the sensation first.  It felt as though the energy was being displaced so far askew in my heart center that my physical body pain receptors told my brain via instantaneous communication that my heart was being ripped, nope not enough… ripped out of my body.

Now, let me take a moment to tell you how disconcerting this was.  I was genuinely concerned with the heart thing, but the sound that was coming from my mouth was the wail of a dying mythical beast, prehistoric perhaps.  I have to laugh now, understanding the perfection of the setup.  Creator is amazing that way…  Perfectly crafted for my learning the lesson at precisely the exact moment in time that I needed to.  And, learn it I did.

Plodding aimlessly through the tasks before me, sobs wracking my ribs, gulping air not getting the exchange, did I mention the hand that was gripping my heart pulling agony through the center of my chest.  At some point, I stopped and sat down, started my breath-work, power animal digging for the roots and when Deva jumped in, we had it.  She backed me up and I went after it, what followed can only be described as an inter-play of light and dark, colors and shapes colliding brilliant spectrum light delights the senses tuned to my .  In it came, my from a lifetime of trauma to my soul.  I remembered flashes confirmed back to 3 years old and multitudes of in-between… yes, there were flashes of the ancient canyons of the SW, Mayan and Egyptian… Beyond maybe, but can’t be certain.  And it all came back, and I talked with my Soul again…

And it was shown to me how important discernment is.  The signs I asked for… let’s check again.  The song… easily interpreted either way, however the cat pee… She only pees in the house when she senses darkness, in particular she is extraordinarily sensitive to anti-creation energy and is very discriminate if she senses it letting the one carrying it know for certain what she thinks about it.  And the cigarette… lighting it backwards a definite indication of anti-creation.  The signs were there all right, but hijacked for sure by the darkness that pervaded my non-ordinary reality.  Lesson learned and integrated…

Today, I was guided to a video excerpt that discuss acting from the heart.  If it felt good in the heart space he would act, if other than good he wouldn’t and he described energy and information, synchronicity, right place, right time, etc.  That was all I watched, but I had to laugh today… Fully in my Authentic Power and Grace, when yesterday  the choice I made nearly pulled mine out of my chest, rather painfully I might add… So, my Soul told me last night what was needed and I listened.

This morning my partner woke me up at 04:00, saying it was time to go to work…  I rolled over, scanned the perimeter, checking in with Creator and grounding to , I stood on the floor.  There was something amiss.  Together we cleared the house and drank tea and talked about Creation, continuing to cross over the energies of the early morning hours.  Following my heart and the rise and fall, grace and ease of the Waltz, my day unfolded miracles.

The wonderful folks at Red Rock Coffee in the VOC were awesome and the energy there was vibrant and alive.  We found a healing room/office.  Seeing my good friend, at Ravenheart… And my Brother Joseph, blessings and thank you for your wisdom.  The writing flowed and the day has been and is perfect in every way…

I realized today the necessity to stay connected, unfettered and free to Creation.  Aligned to the Universal energies and flowing with the flow, waltz-like in nature, the natural way unfolds with no effort and joy and abundance abound.  This I have witnessed, participated in and created.  This I know as Truth.  And I know how to stay here, it takes work and practice,free will and diligence to the way; staying clear, so in the presence all is seen, all is known and complex patterns are understood.

I have made it to higher ground.  Thank you Creator and I now see the fall as a brilliant creation for my learning.  I trust myself now, far more than I ever did.  Ultimately that is what all my teachers have been suggesting, but as I have said all my life, I remember now, I have to see it for myself.  And I have and I remember so much now!  I will continue, I am…

Love and Kindness, Marc

the Buffalo Diaries