I’m not happy with my attitude these last few days, but I figure I wasn’t really conscious of it before either. 100% StS I’m definitely not, but 100% StO was also something I never even came close to, regardless of all the stuff I do for others: because actually, I did that stuff because it made me feel good, not because it made them feel good…
So, was I a Service to Self in disguise? Seems like it, for I still had ambitions of my own, which had nothing to do with pleasing others. Of course those didn’t materialise, which someone told me was because there still was attachment involved. Might very well be possible, but how on Earth can you wipe that out? Only possible avenue to pursue here feels to me like going cold turkey on the Service to Self: simply tearing up all your wish lists, and replace it with one Prime Directive: to do only that which is Service to Others!
Might seem ridiculously radical, but hear me out: When you believe in Source, like me, there simply is no way Source will treat anyone unjustly. Certainly not someone who is Service to Others. And we might be tearing up those lists, to symbolise our non-attachment, but you can bet your bottom dollar there is a backup somewhere, of anything you ever wished for. What this does is make your life a whole lot simpler: rather than wreck your mind from time to time which of your wishes will be coming true, all you have to do is wait for the opportunies where you can dispense Love, without being attached to any outcome… Surely, in your passed life sofar, you’ve already wished everything you could ever imagine, right?
I can tell you, reaching this decision has brought much needed rest to my mind and heart. With Life reduced to one single simple rule, what can go wrong? Actually, that was the matter with the saying of Buddha that is on my wall:
"The secret of Health for both Mind and Body is not to mourn for the past, worry about the future, or anticipate troubles, but to live in the Present Moment wisely and earnestly"
Notice how worry is like the double edged sword here? You can worry about ‘bad’ things happening, but also about ‘good’ things not happening. But this only pertains to Health. Sounds to me like we have a few important pieces missing here: What about the more up-beat aspects of Life? What’s the use of Health, if you have no fun? Now I’m terrible at fun: no parties, no dancing, my idea of fun is a good conversation with an interesting partner. But I almost never go out looking for them, because I’m sure that if I do, I find the wrong ones. But over time, not looking for them has landed me dozens of friends that had their influence at crucial times in my life. So much so, that I can claim this to be the right approach for me, along with my new rule of "Others first, and Source will take care of Me"
Loving the simple life,