Sometimes I feel like I’m not there… where I want to be. Like the end of a rubber band knowing it is supposed to be somewhere near the other end. What doesn’t matter is in which direction I’m being stretched, I know there’s this force beckoning me to go. And I may or may not like it, but I still do!
I most love to be relaxed: nothing pulling me anywhere, just being what I am and loving every minute of it. Some would call that plain lazy, but they confuse absence of activity with absence of stress. Stress is OK, but only for a little while: as soon as it eases up, I go flying off, totally relaxed but at lightning speed!
So yes, I work full time, spend about half as much time on a train, run a website, fix people’s computers, enjoy the company of my kids, and write novels. And on top of that I dream of Life. Life is fun that way, and I’m not saying I wouldn’t have it any other way, but that is the whole point: we’re always being pulled somewhere by our desires. But in the end, it’s just which end you focus on. It could be the one that’s pointing to wherever you’re likely to be going, but personally, I go for the end of where I am, without wanting to end its evolution….
Basically, that rubber band is basically strung between where it is and where it is being pulled. It can resist being pulled there, but the stress will only mount in that case, as will the certainty of eventually being launched in that direction. That’s OK if you want to go there, but sucks bigtime if you don’t.
So rather than opposing, the trick to staying relaxed is actually going along with whatever is pulling, so you’ll have the elasticity left over to extend yourself in the direction of anything that feels desirable…..
Love your tensions, they’re here to help!