Am I the only one that has this? Crazy little things flipping my mood from right to wrong, from "OK with the world" to "What the Hell is my purpose here?". The clever observers like Sergio will have noticed that sheer ecstacy was not mentioned in this comparison. Sorry, but that is reserved for those few really crazy things, that I cannot (yet) believe will ever happen….
But this afternoon was an example: having set the tone for fun this morning, I kinda set myself up for failure: normal working days aren’t that much fun, and crazy little things aren’t all that ubiquitous. And when my boss called me in his office right before I was ready to go for the train, he kinda messed up my schedule, even if he brought good news.
He told me he was giving me the position I’d applied for last year, but didn’t get then. Positive in itself, but also quite a responsability, to be the one Test Engineer in the company, responsible for proper testing of all the software. And at the rate they turn out new releases, that’s a Full Time job. And it requires doing a few courses.
So that flipped my mood to positive again, and missing my designated train didn’t seem all bad. However, the train that eventually arrived was ten minutes late, and too short by half, so completely crowded, so I flipped down again. In the end, cruising a few carriages, I found one vacant chair in the first class department. Officially those are off limits to second class card holders, except when overcrowding occurs. So back to positive again….
But thinking about what I was gonna write tonight, I bounced into a few concepts that seemed to be in opposition. Like for instance: How can I be happy with what I have, and at the same time have wishes? Certainly, if I have wishes, I’m not happy with the Now… And it’s those glitches and knots in my neural network that bug the hell out of me. I know there’s something I haven’t figured out yet, and crazy little things like that can really get me down because they usually have two answers, and I can only see the negative one….
Well, the positive one is to let it go, and do something else that’s ‘exciting’, or at least more exciting than any other thing you could do. I’ll probably figure it out in time, like I always do, but for now I’ll leave the holes for what they are, and will spend the night fixing an Internet connection for a friend. It might have been more fun if she was single, but that’s another thing I should let go
Enjoy your evening, wherever you are.