In a sense that was what I was aiming for last friday, right? Time to reorganize by myself, and write some more. This morning that worked out fine, but somewhere halfway through the day somebody messed it up: me! My ex had a party tonight, and could I take the kids and dogs? The wuss said "sure", and what was to be a quiet Saturday went up in smoke, because the kids also brought two friends.
Should I have stuck to my guns, and just disregarded what the outside world communicated to me? Probably, but then I probably wouldn’t have felt very much like me… And change is there to come to the rescue. What came in as a party of seven soon enough diminished to five, and where the three canines were loud and obnoxious before, the food and exhaustion have now driven them to drowsing on the couch.
And then it hit me that the quiet had returned: apart from two young ladies operating a similar amount of buzzing computer equipment, and three sleeping mammals, the world might very wel have ceased to exist as soon as my line of sight hits solid matter. Nobody in the street at this time, all my electronic links to the outside as dead as doornails. Let me rectify that: an E-mail came in as I said that, but it was merely an automated reply to an action my eldest sent out there mere minutes ago…. No actual proof of life, in that sense.
But then I should expect that right? I cause the lot, and I am a master at keeping quiet, not making waves, observing and trying to figure it out. If I merely react to incoming signals, and don’t send any out, why would Life send me replies? Would it be reasonable to expect such an active behaviour if outside merely mirrors inside? It is like riding a bicycle: if you don’t pedal, sooner or later you keel over for lack of insufficient forward speed.
But yes, I can expect that! Just like I expect my next inspiration to magically appear the moment I need it, I can also expect to see signs of Life out there the moment I want to know they’re there. I can expect her to come after me, even if I’m too chicken to say out loud what my heart is yelling at the top of it’s voice. Why? Because Nature abhors a vacuum! And if I leave something out of my equation, simply because it does not feel like me, then the road will come up to meet me, if only to eradicate the vacuum beneath my feet.
Sure, the way in which it does is wrought with humor and cryptic innuendo, merely because we live in a Cosmic Reality as well as in our own personal reality. Or realities even, because the serie Sliders isn’t just a nice fictional theme. It is One Totality, balanced to a tee at every conceivable level. One incredible machine consisting of gazillions more, all totally networked so any action will certainly land on fertile soil:
So even this seeming lack of outside stimuli must serve a purpose. It makes me feel like one of those infinitessimal parts in the big machine of life, which must patiently wait until it is tagged by the part before it in the Cosmic sequence of events. The only thing I’m a bit afraid of is that I won’t recognize the trigger when it comes. But surely that is a worry that should be left to the designer of the Incredible Machine: it is no concern of the parts concerned…..
Love your little bit of the Whole, let Her do the rest.