I was looking forward to a nice relaxed Sunday, mainly because the kids and their mum were going to go shopping with grandma in Apeldoorn, leaving me my home for the remainder of the day. Well, they still went, but not until a heated argument about life’s choices had been fought out right here in my living room… Don’t you just hate it when that happens?
Having put away my thinking cap for the week, I sat there hearing my ex launch one of her ideas about Laura’s future at our daughter, who had unfortunately heard that same argument several times earlier this week. She’s got enough on her mind having to deal with her own renewed choice of school career, and Linda was not quite happy with her choices, as it turns out. She’d consulted all her peers at work, decided that none of their children made stupid choices like her daughter, and was actively trying to get her to straighten out and become like them…
Me, I just sat there, sipping my coffee, because I know what is going to happen next: I dislike arguments, always have. And if they’re not between me and some other party, I tend to stay on the sidelines, looking for the signs of both parties disregarding each others arguments, which would (if they hadn’t) have made all the difference. Usually, in the case of Laura and her mum, I’m afraid to have to point out they are talking through each other rather than with each other. Laura is OK that way, because when I speak, she perceives the message, evaluates it, and then decides whether to take it to heart, or disregard it with respect as her own choices prevail. And no offense meant, but my ex takes any attentuating remark aimed at her as an all-out taking sides attack against her person! And that while the only intent of my remarks to either of them is to make them see their argument as something which is not necessarily meant to be taken personal. And believe me, I have enough verbal skills to not make them sound like attacks!
Is it wise to stay out of it? I figure yes, because before that, it is a two party game. Two goals, both can score points, and any party added also adds a goal, and thus a complexity to the game. New rules to reconcile, more arbiters, and the argument lasts and lasts. Staying out of it, I am still a party, with my own goal, although that is to end the game. Any move I make towards the game merely adds a number of moves on the game board. And that would be against my own goal….
Today I was lucky: since they had to get on a bus, both Laura and Linda left one after the other, slamming the front door hard as they went. I was left with what I looked forward to in the first place: a quiet home in which to do my things, like babysitting the ladies’ three dogs. And since Monday is Animal’s Day, I got some treats early this weekend, which of course means "Party at my place!". I’d invite you all, but I guess dog chow ain’t your favorite… But since the shop is also open on Sunday these days, I’m sure I can scare something up if you really make it here!
Love your Sundays, days of rest…