OK, I admit it: I’m a freakin’ big-eared FreeLoader! (no Ferengi)
Whenever there is something to be had for free, I am at the front lines to acquire it, quite contrary to my professed belief in Abundance. And yes, I do have that reputation: the other day, when mail announced there was still some pie left over from that morning’s birthday celebration by a colleague, I couldn’t very well pass it over, because I love pie! But when I arrived at the coffee corner, there were already two colleagues talking there. No problem, I’m assertive enough to stil land the prize, until one of them, (a company secretary) loudly voiced an objection of sorts: "Ah, there is the company garbage can!" No! Not funny! They say namecalling doesn’t hurt, but when brought in such an offensive way, I had no alternative than to just get coffee, and demonstratively leave them the pie…
She later remarked that the insult wasn’t hers, but merely one spoken earlier by a colleague who had already left the company. Even though I could picture him saying such a thing, I still couldn’t be mad at him for saying it behind my back. But her repeating it right smack in my face, that was a completely different matter, because she could have known I’d take offense! I actually didn’t speak to her for a whole week, made detours rather than having to bump into her, and solemnly vowed to never again go to the cafetaria for birthday cake ever again! But I’m a weakling, I never do stay mad for long, and I certainly don’t get even. And cake or pie is just too good to pass up, so I guess I’ll always be the company garbage can….
But what is it that has me professing a deep belief in Abundance, but yet taking advantage of every freebie that takes my fancy? Is that the feeling that Abundance is what you get for free, so if its truly ‘for free’ you can enjoy it all that much more? And I don’t mean the ‘for free’ as in business: because they always make you pay for it one way or the other! That is in fact one of my less favorite subjects, and one which I avoid as much as possible. Just like coupons, freebie toys you get with stuff you wouldn’t normally buy anyway, etc. On the one hand I rake it in, but on the other hand I leave a lot lying around, simply because cashing in on it is too much of a fuss.
And what about spending my hard-earned Euros? Hey, I make a nice salary, quite sufficient to feed an entire family. But somehow I always stay balanced on that narrow edge between money left at the end of the month, or month left at the end of the money! Is it my belief in Abundance that causes that? I tend to think so. Because when there is enough money, you don’t think about it running out. So most people live their lives, and if they don’t believe in Abundance, then running out of cash is something they do not do: they stop spending short of depletion. But if you believe in Abundance, there is always that drive to ‘just go ahead anyway, because there always will be enough’. And that drives one over the edge! Even the grocery money, which I draw from the bank at the start of the month to make sure it isn’t appropriated by some company wanting payment from my bank, is not immune to Abundance thinking. And that leads to that situation of having month left at the end of the budget.
Now reasoning there will always be enough, I could say that if there is no money to get food, then I do not need the food. Because if there always will be enough, then I could not possibly want more than there is, right? And yeah, in the end there usually is, but not from channels Id like to get it from: my ex would invite me to dinner then, but I’m not particularly fond of playing house with her again. And my mum frequently slips me some money when Dad ain’t looking, but if he did see she’d be in big trouble! They have this very unbalanced thing going, you know? So no, neither of these sources bring me Abundance I’d like, but rather Abundance I’ll have to accept in order to have any Abundance at all… And that’s Scarcity all over again!
And the sources I’d love to see abundance from, the ones that absolute have a surplus? Their good intention unquestioned, they still can’t seem to be able to transfer some of it to me, simply because the Cosmos won’t let them! Bank transfers spontaneously turn into prolonged episodes of the series called ‘Lost’, leaving me to wonder what I have done to deserve this, or even worse, if I’m doing it all, what kind of a pervert I am to torture myself that way…..
In the end though, it seems all bent on upping my belief in Abundance: It has to absolutely come to a level where it is no longer about believing Abundance to be there, but rather Knowing it is there! So now I am slowly getting used to just living my life, accepting that which comes and that which doesn’t with equal appreciation. It feels like Abundance is a decision rather than an appraisal of ones situation. Just decide you are, and YOU ARE!
Love your Decisions!