We were talking about not going after Love but just being it instead, but I never knew you have to take this so literally! I’ve already told you I help people out with computer problems, because it’s easy for me and often a problem for them. And my last ad on marktplaats.nl had expired, so I figured I’d renew it. Well, no such luck: every possible hindrance was pulled out of the woodwork to keep me from completing that ad!  But then again, maybe my action was an act of treason against that One mechanism called the Grand Design……

Looking for enlightenment in the form of an image or music video, I stumbled across Rush’s Grand Designs, viewed exactly 2444 times:

Treason? Yes: my decision to renew that ad was to give the Cosmos a handhold to help my Abundance along, which of course is viewed as High Treason! It displays lack of Faith, scarcity of Trust, doubt in one’s own Cosmic Abilities, and what not! But shopping for a week’s groceries on just 15 Euros sucks, bigtime!! Can you blame a guy for trying to help along any circumstance that might help end this?

Well, apparently I can: With extreme prejudice, like Jane in Final Fantasy my torpedoed my actions, forcefully wielding his foreknowledge of my wanting to place it in the first place:

  1. First of all, marktplaats.nl offers only very basic ads in this category for free. My effort to advertize my skills and willingness to perform would only last three months, in the nether-regions of the site. I’d have loved it to top the charts, but shelling out that kind of cash  for something I do for free is not my decision.
  2. Second, the moment I looked for my orange sweater do-it-for-you picture in the usual place, it wasn’t there! Apparently my Higher self had ‘accidentally’ misplaced it.
  3. Then, while I was busy the kids came in with the remainder of this week’s groceries. Although some extra stuff brought in by their friend pointed towards the Abundance that features in this article, their incessant prodding to get me to the kitchen to prepare some of it for them had me hurrying to finish that ad.
  4. When the completeness gauge at the end of the page finally showed 100%, I clicked Place Ad with a certain anticipation….
  5. No such luck, because a few minutes before my trackball froze, which meant having to pull it out and plug it back in again to get it to work. In my business, I also pulled out the WiFi transceiver, thus rendering the site unreachable!
  6. When I plugged it back in, the site responded with ‘It will take several minutes to process your request’. So I went into the kitchen to prepare those snacks the kids wanted. When I came back twenty minutes later, the site still showed a circling wait cursor.
  7. I killed the page by accidentally loading a new one, and when I clicked back, only the title of the ad remained. All my hard work gone!
  8. Checking the site anyway showed that the ad never made it there. I was left with the choice of redoing it all, or just plain giving up…..

So no, I don’t get it: They say I cause it all, and that it will be marvelous, but I never get past square one with anything I try to do myself. Do they really expect me to play ‘dead and happy’ for the rest of my life, not causing anything anymore, except the passage of time? I can be what I am, but apparently not what I want to be. Like the in Bicentennial Man said: "Sucks to be You!"

So what now? Apparently I am here, I should be happy, even was all of last week. Today, it started with a weird mysterious phone call, then with my lack of Abundance shoved in my face, and topped off with my utter and complete inability to do even the slightest thing about any of it? If that is called Unconditional Love, I’m not sure I still want any…..

Get over IT!