Sunday, 19 September, 2010  (posted 6 October, 2010)

“Dear Saint-Germain, I was once married, but we were unable
to continue together as husband and wife. Since our divorce, we’ve
remained close friends, and we still share many things together.
Although both of us wish to marry again, we fear that we’ll have to
give up our friendship for this. What should we do? Thank you.”

Today we’re going to address the fear that you have about partnering
again. But before we start, Alexandra and Dan wanted me share this quote
from a well-known author: “Twenty years from now you will be more
disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So
throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the
trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” – Mark Twain.
This is very good advice for you, too, because it reminds you to stop
worrying so much about your relationship “location” – and to start
enjoying the journey, instead.

You see, your anxiety about
being in an intimate relationship again is really just your fear
talking to you. Your fear is telling you that you’ll never reach the
relationship destination that you desire – a fictitious place, called
“happiness” – because you aren’t doing what needs to be done to
guarantee this type of outcome.

So, how does Twain’s quote apply to your current for intimacy?

This passage suggests that the true joy you will find, if you take up
an intimate relationship again, is the pleasure of the journey – moving
through life together. This has nothing to do with an imaginary place
called “happiness” that the two of you must struggle to attain someday.
It’s about day-to-day sharing. Will your journey be pleasant and
spirited, or filled with drama and tension?

This is entirely up to you, as you already know.

Where Does Your Journey Begin?

Your
journey back into intimacy, begins exactly where you are right now…
With the memories, lessons, and experiences that you’ve had with your
former husband, and also with the friendship that you enjoy with him
now. This is the point of departure for the new journey of intimacy that
you will begin with someone else. Anything new or different that you
will experience with a new partner, must necessarily start with the
ending of your marriage. All new beginnings start with endings. So, the
question that you are really asking is “Am I ready to release my former
marriage?”

This is not a trivial question, and you are wise
to look at it now, before starting something new. Your marriage has
introduced you to the realm of intimacy. It was your beginning and it
is worthy of your honor. The two of you traveled some distance together
on that journey; and only now do you find yourselves ready to move
again with someone else. This is, as it should be, and it is perfectly
normal.

The trouble that you are having now, is that you are
letting the unpleasant experiences of your first relationship,
influence your expectations about what a new relationship will bring to
you. Of course, the caution and wisdom that you acquired can be
helpful here, provided that you don’t take it too far.

Think
of it this way…Would you want to decide in advance, how your trip to
is going to be, based only upon the memories of your trip to
many years ago? Of course not. They’re two completely different
cities. And even though some elements of traveling will be the same
for both destinations; what you’re going to experience in Tokyo cannot
be accurately predicted or pre-qualified by what you’ve already
experienced in London.

My friend, moving on from one intimate relationship to another is no different.

You Are a Free-Spirit

My
dear friend, I would like to share another perspective with you about
this situation in your life. You are a free spirit; a fearless and
open-minded person, who is always ready to begin new things in life.
This is something that makes you a very courageous person. You are not
afraid to start something new; to begin and initiate creative activities
– and also to be involved in creative relationships and partnerships
of all kinds.

But because you are such a free-spirit and
don’t like to feel limited in any way, you may feel that intimate
relationships are not going to be respectful of who you are as a
person. You may be conditioned based upon your previous experiences, to
believe that they are not going to give you the security and safety
that you need in a relationship; the security and safety to be
yourself.

Instead, intimate relationships may feel a little too
controlling to you. And this is something that has been an issue for
you in your past. Both you and your former husband, may have a tendency
to hold on to each other in order to feel emotionally or physically
safe in the world, and loved in ways that you needed in the past. Yet,
by hanging on to each other this way, and to the past that you shared
together, you’re not giving yourselves the freedom to grow, evolve, and
be more of who you are now.

That’s why it may be very good for you now, to let go of the control.

Fear of Losing Control

When
you let go of any desire that you may have to control this
relationship, it will not cause you to lose the friendship. No, it will
not. Because where there is love, there will always be the possibility
of friendship.

But if you allow any lingering desires to
control this relationship to continue within you, or if you to try to
hang on to each other for security’s sake, then there will also be
fear, suffering, and anguish. For anytime you choose to act from a
place of fear, whether consciously or unconsciously, you are blocking
the opportunities for love to enter. And this is what you desire now…
an opportunity to share love and intimacy again with a partner.

I’m encouraging you to look at yourself now, and see why you’re afraid
to let go of this relationship with your former husband. Examine the
underlying need that you have to hold on, or control the outcome of this
relationship – rather than free yourselves to move on to something
better, as you’ve indicated that you are ready to do now.

Do
not fear for the loss of your friendship, but rather look at what this
friendship has been providing you that you are now ready to provide for
yourself. Accept the fact that you have outgrown something that you
shared together, and that you are both ready to grow in love and
goodness again with someone else. This is truly a wonderful realization,
if you will allow it.

This is the important message for you
today. And I’d like you to work with it and see how you want to move on
from that. It’s a lot of information to manage, I know, and I’d like
to thank you for this opportunity to work with you, and to be with you
by your side.

Indeed, it is I, Saint-Germain, along with Alexandra, and your other friends and guides.

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© copyright 2008 Alexandra Mahlimay and Dan Bennack