29 March 2011
Ms. X is a single mom with three kids, an irregular job situation, and friends and clients who frequently demand her attention. When I asked Ms. X if she had completed the homework that included sitting down to reach a quiet inner calm, she answered, "Roxane – I'm trying." She then told me she was committed to reaching her goals of inner peace and business success, and she knew she must maintain balanced calm to do so. She also explained why it just wasn't possible, how difficult it was for her and how she just couldn't do it "right."
We are always committed to something. There is never, ever a time when we aren't committed. Even when we are lying on the sofa, watching a movie, we are actually doing something and committed to it. Perhaps we are committed to physical rest and rejuvenation, or perhaps we are committed to our failure. What I mean by that is behind every action or inaction there is a commitment to an Unconscious Desire (UD).
Consider this: You have an important interview with someone who could, if all goes well, boost your career and your finances. You've scheduled the appointment for Monday morning at 9am so you could have the weekend to prepare. "I'll focus on this when the kids don't need me this weekend." Well, this is the weekend the kids have three soccer matches and both of your dogs need bathing. Plus your friend (who always sympathizes with your struggles) calls to tell you her husband left her. By Sunday night you're exhausted and all you want to do is zone-out in front of TiVo. After a short night's sleep and rushing the kids to school, you sit in the car, making notes of what you'd like to achieve in the interview. Of course, the interview doesn't accomplish what you wanted, but you tried and you're worn-out to prove it.
In this scenario, what Unconscious Desire would you be committed to? You might be committed to the UD of keeping your life running in the familiar loop of personal and financial chaos. Perhaps you're committed to proving you have "too much on your plate" or that "single moms must struggle." There is incredible power in being honest with yourself and discovering why you do what you do. This knowledge is the key to living a powerful, peaceful, fulfilling life, instead if living a life of victimhood and struggle.
With a little help, Ms. X eventually understood what she was creating with this unfocused attention. She also designed a workable structure for herself that organized her personal and business life. She is now making progress on attracting more clients and greater peace of mind. Even her weekends are getting more balanced between soccer, dogs and study.
Self-Coaching Identify an area where you've been trying for some time to produce a result but haven't yet. You see, trying leaves the back door open for escape. As long as you are trying to do it, you aren't committed to it and your UD has control over you. Even if you can't exactly verbalize the full UD, just identify the area of trying. The next step is to put a structure in place that will begin to bring you success. Here's a suggestion: Rephrase your intention. In the above example, Ms. X began the weekend with the intention of "I'll work when the kids don't need me." Rephrase this as "I will work Saturday and Sunday from 7-10pm when the kids are in their rooms and from 8-11am, before their games." Another example: If you say you're committed to being on time, yet are always late, you're trying. If you're committed, you will put in place a structure to get yourself there on time. (You will find a reminder system, get there early, schedule your time differently, etc.)
You Can Do It. You really can!
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