Oct 27

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In yet another manifestation of my 2nd chakra (and some of the 1st and 3rd also), I have come “&;. After years of running away, at the very least, maintaining quite a lot of physical, emotional, and energetic distance between myself and my family, I have moved near them again. Really near. I am currently living with my sister and have already had dinner with my parents. I intend to stay here at least for a few months and potentially longer.

I knew it was time to work on my relationship with my family. Besides my romantic life, my family life was/is the biggest thing that I would like to change in my .

But coming home has affected my in ways that I did not expect. After years of developing my to “hold my boundaries” and “not pick up energies”, I have come to be near some of the most challenging people in my life with the intention of remaining open. I’m less focused on maintaining boundaries (distance?) and more focused on genuine connection. Of course, Trust is a key component of connection. I honestly don’t know why I suddenly trust my family more than I used to. Maybe it’s because I decided to stop assuming that they would hurt me or judge me or reject me. Maybe the past several years of working on myself is simply reflecting out into my life (maybe they have also been working on themselves). Whatever it is, I actually enjoyed being with my family and want to stick around for a while. (Don’t get me wrong, the urge to travel is still itching. I do feel conflicted on that point.)

Something shifted in me energetically the moment I arrived. At first I thought it was just being tired, then I thought it was needing to adjust…. but those no longer explain what I’m feeling or not feeling.

I feel more here– on Earth. I feel present, actually in my body.

I’ll be honest, it really freaks me out. I’m used to being lighter, running on autopilot, with most of my consciousness in other realms. At first, I felt like I was wading through mud. Which isn’t to say that the energy was “dirty” here, just that it was denser then what I usually allow myself to experience. I felt like I was walking in slow motion. I struggled to focus in ways that I typically move my energies– blogging or writing at all was impossible, I somehow forced myself to meditate (I lasted 8 minutes), channeling… well luckily I managed to do that for a couple of clients. I felt utterly unlike myself.

And yet, I have been more my true self with my family than ever before. I openly prayed by burning tobacco when my sister had a fire going last Saturday night. Not only was I not judged, but three of my family members requested pinches of tobacco and prayed too! I’ve been talking openly with my sister about my spiritual work and have openly moved energy with certain members of my family. THAT IS HUGE.

Of course, I haven’t done any of this with my father. But still, it’s a vast improvement over the times that I have sneaked or avoided openly speaking about myself.

I still feel SO CONFUSED by the way that I am experiencing my energy right now. But this is what I have been asking for— to be comfortable living here, now— to love life exactly as it is without trying to escape or move to Telos– to figure out how to be physically present AND do my spiritual work at the same time.

Thank you for walking with me on this journey. I feel so blessed that I can share my experience of life with you all. I genuinely believe that we can figure this out– we can be our Truest selves and also live here in this plane. That is what ascension is… not going anywhere or achieving some greater plane of existence…. but being here and making THIS plane, this time and place everything that we dream of. Homoluminous means being HUMAN. The luminous part is inherently what we are, so lets focus on being the best humans we can be.

Love from my heart to yours.