29 October 2011
~ Artwork by: Nichole Lewis ~
The one thing I know for sure about this sharing… it's gonna be a long one! I pray, I can make it a clear one. It so funny, I have sat here and stared at the screen now for close to an hour… detail after detail pouring forth in my consciousness and I am thinking, there is no way I can write all that… not and call it a blog, I would have to call it a book! And the light bulb went on. It's funny, ya do what you, because it is what you do and for no other reason. And then I laughed…
I have a book to be released in e-version and I will have it published and available for purchase on 11:11:11 which details the very human steps (my story lol) in getting to the merger. I decided to include the first draft artwork, designed from the heart and soul of Nichole Lewis, of the book in this sharing, because I am not going to give you the human details, but what the book doesn't tell you (because I didn't know any of this until this week.) is energetically what happens…
But, since I am writing, let me give the book a plug here (smile)
When It All Falls Apart …Again
Come Clean With Your Life… A Bathtub Odyssey LIVED by Lisa Gawlas
Well THAT will make this blog substantially shorter (smile)!!!! So in this part of the sharing, we are going to talk energetically about merging it All. But, equally in the only way I know how to sharel… from my own experiences and understandings!
Our entire lives are lived moving forward. Raising our vibration. No one ever needs to know for a moment they are doing anything spectacular, knowing doesn't change your vibration at all. It's all held in what you choose to do! I know a lot of conscious (to the spiritual agenda) people who's vibration has not shifted even a degree higher. At the end of any given day… it's all about what you do: Who and how you choose to be in this world…. and what (thought concepts) you are willing to let go of so you can raise your vibration, frequency in this world of created matter.
The day I woke up to an alternate reality (by alternate I mean something that existed outside of my Catholic understandings) I was heavily sedated in the world of 3D illusion. Money was the goal, even at the sacrifice of your mental health and ability to be with your children. My children needed stuff. I sold my soul and my health to make sure they had all the stuff I could buy.
Keeping with the previous mathematical frequency numbers lets just say I was at vibration number 1. Terrified, blaming, accusing, pissed off at the world!
And then, a brick came crashing down and cracked my head wide open. That brick was in the guise of a Ouija Board. 8 hours later.. I shifted. Somehow I went to level 1.5 because I knew the 8 hours we spent talking to a chick nbamed Jill Cadee via this homemade kitchen table Ouija Board…. was undeniably real.
A week later, the Ouija Board not ever working again, I was introduced to meditation. I hit a new frequency… lets just say 1.75…
In those subtle vibrational shifts, not much seemed different in my life. It was indeed still pure hell and indeed it was all my employers fault!
And then I found my bathtub, and breathing in light and listening to the sheer garbage my mind was spewing in any given moment. No wonder I had been depressed for 30 years… it's toxic in there!
The moment I acknowledge that (that is to say, took responsibility for my own mind and what was moving thru it) my frequency zoomed to 2.5. My life still utterly sucked, but bath-time…. well, lets just say it became my drug of choice.
If you can just for a moment… imagine there are so many subtle earths… so close in frequency you would never even know you left one earth and started walking on the next. But indeed… you have. The game, the characters… everything about you and your reality is transported to the next frequency the mind has no clue you left one earth and went to another. But you did.
I was living on a water world. A version of earth where the humans hadn't completely killed the aliveness of the water energy.
The frequency changes were subtle, yet life/vibrationally altering. I was living in my bathtub and existing in my life. And that is NOT a pun at all!
From Nov thru Feb I was able to meet with my power animals, spiritual guides, a teacher or two… In truth (from today looking back) I was zooming thru the vibrational frequencies of earth. Ever so slowly, the way I seen earth, life… was changing. But I still had a lot of connections around my ankle that kept me living in all the alternate realities at once. Because of this, life was becoming really confusing.
Not for a moment did I realize that a relationship that I had that was still entreched in frequency 1 kept a part of my frequency in that place. I could not fully exist in the higher frequencies without my bathtub! And you wonder why I spent 10 hours a day in my bath? Life made sense there. I made sense there.
The distortion had me on my knees. I couldn't bear the weight any longer and on Feb 4th 2001 I tried to kill myself… again.
That was the day I let it all go.
13 hours of sleep later, I woke up, still heavily depressed, but with a new attitude. Fuck it! I started letting go of relationship after relationship. Got my head out of the River of DeNial that kept me so safe from my own responsibility.
I kicked my son out of my house (long story, it's in the book), I moved from North Carolina to Virginia Beach (also in the book)… I landed in the Salvation Army Homeless Shelter… the biggest frequency change to date (well in that time line of my life.)
It is funny to get to that point in your life. It was the first time since starting the meditation/bathtub journey a year and a month prior that I declared a spiritual strike. No more meditation dammit! My spiritual team screwed me over! Or worse, I am delusional to think any of it was real.
It was going to be many more years before I heard the term "Dark night of the soul." but let me tell you, it happens again and again and again. I started this journey in the deepest and darkest night… and homeless shelter was another perverial line in the sand… what do you choose?
By this time I had already given up my life, my home, my two oldest children… the only thing I had left was my youngest daughter, my car and the only thing that ever saved my sanity was a forum of other people trying to find their way Home. Everyone utterly shocked my life had come to this. And then a good friend I had not met yet from that forum said something that changed it all…. maybe you are there to help someone. Really?? Could it be….?
Again the details are in the book (I am so glad I wrote that lol)… but it really was a choice point… one of the biggest one's of my entire life. Let me just pose a question to you (not for you to answer, because truly, the answer only happens in the moment it is energetically provided to you.)
Would you be willing to rick it all to help even one person?
I was born with the blood of an anarchist within me. I knew my actions was going to piss off the homeless shelter… and indeed I was given a 5 day notice to vacate.
I had only spent a week on strike, which felt like 10 eternities all wrapped together.
My 11 year old daughter and myself found ourselves even more homeless than 5 weeks prior. There wasn't even the refuge of a shelter to seek out. Yikes!
Now imagine there are versions of earth that are between places. Very much like a resting place for the soul as all the vibrations, frequencies, actions, the whole lot that brought to you this moment in time exists. I will just call it the leap from living in your lower chakras (entrenched in the illusion that life is all about making money, having security, blah blah blah) and your higher fields of reality are being put in place. A new created reality to fit the new you.
Now if you didn't think for a single moment you were that important, that powerful… change your mind and feel it!
My daughter and I ended up in a wonderful flee bag hotel (and truly I say that with tremendous love in my heart.) We would stay there from January 2002 thru May of 2002. I suppose from just helping a single mother with 5 children at the shelter, spirit must have put a neon sign on my back that said: if you have troulbes, go to Lisa. Because… they did.
The other residents of this hotel just started to talk to me, tell me their story… not bullshit stories, but their truth, their troubles, their addictions. I could feel them in a way I never thought humanly possible. I could feel their wonder. How truly amazing they were and how much they were just trying to make their way thru life.
Yes I was living in a motel with coke and crack addicts, alcoholics, people abusers…. but not once did I fear for my 11 year old daughter. Maybe because I fell in love with these people… and they, with me.
There are a million things I want to share about this profound moment in time. I promise you I did not start this sharing as a plug for my book… but the experienes and details are so vast so extraordinary that all I can say right now… is the fullness of the 5 months at this motel is in the book.
The universe gave me the greatest present and the greatest frustration (smile) of all my life while in this motel holding place… to meet my mentor from down under.
Ya know… it's funny… as I wrote this and think about the time involved. I was in the homeless shelter for 5 weeks. I was in the motel for 5 months. Marc came to visit me for 5 days. My life path number is a 5. 5 is all about change!
Now to take that all and say I was removing every dark, dank illusion that was my life… and now filling it with Light. I would liken it to ripping your limbs off, piece by piece and eventually growing new limbs…
In the course of 2 1/2 years I went from hell… to Holy Shit! With the exception of my youngest daughter… all of my familiars gone. All of my life identities… gone.
I was no one, living no where and at such peace with it all.
In the frequencial aspects of my life… I went from a dense heavy 1 to emerging high atop of 4. Moving to Vermont… to the mountainside completely off the grid of life… was allowing all of me to fully emerge steadfast into the firelf of that 5th frequency… the chirst consciousness.
To set up home within myself and learn how to live now in this new reality.
I left the mountain side January 2003… new. So new everything about me changed. My eye color, my skin color, my approach to life. And most especially… how I lived my life.
The Lisa that went to that mountain is not the same Lisa that left it's wonder and beauty and alivenness. This is where the story (my book) ends.
The Merger is purely, unconditionally allowing the Light of your Soul to now steer the ship of your biological life.
And I now so fully get what part 2 is all about!
It took from 2003 thru 2008 for me to really own my own divinity. To learn how to be "that" in life. New relationships, new opportunities, lines of work, every new door that swung open… I walked thru. I had nothing, absolutely nothing left to loose.
It is only when you are completely empty… completely at peace with that emptiness All can be shared and reflected back to you.
Time moves in cycles. I am once again living at a hotel, ocean front this time, nice… I know where I am at within me, and why.
With many incredible friends… we have scaled the mountain I will simply and so lovingly refer to as Shambhala… and we will… together, build a home here.
In the deepest place that is me… thank you for allowing me to share. My story has always been your story.
We are One. I love You!