I recently spent some time with a woman I grew up around. I was in her town and offered to treat her to lunch. I told her to choose a restaurant that she hasn't been to before and that feels 'abundant' and extravagant to her. She chose an all-you-can-eat Chinese buffet. She had a coupon.
As I was on my second salad, she began commenting on the physicality of our fellow eaters. 'Why doesn't she DO something about THAT.' 'I'm surprised these chairs can hold him.' 'How sad, even their kids are huge.' 'How could she let her self GO like that?'
Her words were hurtful and made my stomach turn. As we finished our meals, my friend stood up and as she did, she gripped her back and moaned. She has had back pain for years and every move she makes is painful. She has been sleeping on the same mattress for 30 years.
As I drove back to her home my friend chatted continuously about other drivers and how one 'should' always play by the rules so everyone on the road feels safe. When I dropped her off at home and began to say goodbye, her partner of many years greeted me with kindness. My friend's partner has been depressed for a long time and doesn't leave the house. Her pain shows as a permanent, downturned mouth and swollen eyes. Perhaps she cries often, I don't know. We hugged and chatted a bit as I found a place to sit in their living room. It was packed with stuff.
Stuff. You know, important things we collect. On the top of one of the piles on the coffee table was a magazine. Reminace. My friend is 80+ and likes to focus upon her 'good' life in the 40s and 50s.
After chatting about the weather, the government, illegal aliens, and how immigrants 'should' learn English in order to stay here in the US, I graciously left and drove back to my hotel room. My 5D sanctuary.
We all hold pain. Every body holds pain in it's own unique way. It can show up as complaining about others, as extra weight (I've been there), depression (that too) or physical aches (sometimes). Our individual art or mastery is how we deal with it. How do YOU deal with your pain? Do you even recognize it?
How to cope with pain
One way we cope with our pain is to deny it. 'If I just ignore it, it will go away.' But does it truly go away? Or does it simply demonstrate itself in quiet, passive/aggressive ways? As with my friend's partner-sadness and depression.
Another way is to be macho (got testosterone?) 'I'm as strong as a bull. I can bulldoze my way through anything.' Yes you can' until that body or mind gets exhausted and quits in some way-an injury or breakdown.
Another way we respond to pain is to project our inner pain onto those around us. 'Why doesn't she DO something about that fat/back pain/cough/acne/depression?' This is a common solution most engage in. If I find others who I can pick on or criticize, I don't have look at my own pain or where I am off-balance. They are much worse off than I am. I have mine under control.
Moan. You can moan and grunt and make big sighs, and perhaps others around you will become sympathetic and pity you. Or perhaps they will ask you what your problem is. This will open the door for you to talk about all your doctors and surgeries and medications. Better yet, find someone you can commiserate with and compare pains. You can make it a game and compete to see who has the sorest back.
Self-medicate. Lots of options here.
No matter what, it begins in your head.
The more masterful (and perhaps more difficult) way to cope with pain is to focus on releasing or lessening it. Use the tools you've learned to de-charge and release that pain, whether it manifests as physical, emotional or mental off-balance. Of course, before we do that we must decide that we are really finished with it. Many are not finished carrying that pain around. It has become so familiar they can't imagine life without it. 'Who will I be if I am not depressed and overwhelmed?'
Start with imagining what is possible. Pretend. What would today be if I were not eating a bag of cookies right now? If I were happy? If imagining is too difficult find a living example of the ideal you. What words is that person demonstrating? Certain, Successful, Active, Vibrant? Simply watch how s/he demonstrates that energy.
First, decide that the pain and the pickle you are in is no longer fun, nor does it give you the attention/sympathy/comfort it did originally. Then you must decide it is too expensive to carry that rock around in your backpack any longer; it's too expensive physically, emotionally, and mentally. Then step up to your tool bench and use the tools you have to de-charge that old habit. The Rose, the Grounding Cord, the Living Words and others. (There are many others.) Take baby steps to avoid discouragement or self-pressure. This isn't a race to wellness.
Buying a new mattress and seeing a chiropractor could also be a great first step to relieving that painful back. But if you did that, you might not have much to talk about anymore. You might lose all your complaining friends. You might get happy!
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